Baby Zahara Walking!

Okay guys, I didn’t want any of you to worry about me because I didn’t want any of you wasting your energy on something out of your hands. Plus, I didn’t want to take away from the fun you all were having with each other (there was a time I had that fun, as well). Guli, Original Curious, Estelle, African Girl, PT and Amielina, you guys made me break my word and my plan just so I can ease your minds. I didn’t think I would have something else to be concerned about. Oh Tao, you guys were so alarmed, you made me worry about this C2 whom you twisted my pre-farewell message into. But I guess that’s the beauty of this blog, right? We’ve formed deeper ties than we thought we would going in. If it weren’t a force bigger than all of this, I would still be in the deep of it criticizing and roasting the hell out of X. Now THAT **** never gets old. It’s such a shame, too, as I’ve upgraded my monitor to a 19" LCD. That’s the closest I’ll get to a plasma TV in the near future, which means I would be blasting X in my version of high definition. Or maybe not. Damn, I didn’t want to post this week as I’ve been in a seriously superstitious mode since actually in mid-June. Four is a very unlucky number, and this week is our fourth week. I’ll get around that by not being too specific of what I’m going through, as I feel all that I mentioned in June got jinxed. All right, I will try to keep Michael Stipes words of "I’ve said too much" in mind in divulging just enough to relieve your minds. With that said, I am not bipolar or depressed. I remember a Zaiyana message that spoke about happiness and striving for even moods (which I wanted to reply to but as was typical of late for me, I was too behind). That is me. Equilibrium for me is not euphoria (and who the hell could be there constantly without the aid of pharmaceuticals?) or depression. It’s in the middle with not a hint of either. So I have no sucidal thoughts. But have I been distraught? Yes, about the first week since my last message. I’ve never cried so much my eyelids became swollen and actually hurt (I used to be such a swalwart that tears barely touched my face when I was younger). Crying gets you nowhere. So, no more crying okay, Guli? Since then, I’ve had to be strong to keep us all together. No more tears. There is nothing wrong with me. PT is correct that it is someone else who I care deeply about. I can’t say anything more so please bear with me. There is a major and significant reason I am waiting until mid or late September for my farewell. (Gosh, you guys are doing a great job in sabotaging it so far.) All of you move me with your sincere concerns, but please, you shouldn’t worry. Remember I believe in SCIENCE. I have unwavering faith in science and certainty that science is our savior. Amielina, you of anyone may know exactly what we’re dealing with. I’m drawing on people just like yourself for hope, encouragement and inspiration. But shhh, please don’t say. I am superstitious - be damned all that logical and rational training. Although, I’m less so than before when I would write positive mantras on my hands and be obsessive compulsive about routines. I chucked that sucker out in July. I’m still going to hold on to the don’t-verbalize- "it" part. I don’t think I really settled anyone’s worries, but just stay positive, which is where my focus is on. Okay, so please no more fan fiction about me, guys. If I were more in a carefree mood, my black humor would find this misunderstanding funny. (PT, stepping back, you would be the one I can see who could see the humor in it. Is it Hitchcock? Or is it Roger Corman-esque?) African Girl, keep that positivity. I’ll acknowledge everyone’s kind words in September (so please don’t feel overlooked should I not have mentioned your name here). (No, Guli, you’re not going to sabotage that one - much as you are dear to me, ‘k?)Take care!P.S. Amielina, Amielina, a woman after my own heart. You have become more dear to me than I could have possibly imagined. You have impressed me as a person with an immense heart that anyone who has been graced by your presence is lucky indeed. I feel blessed that I got to know you better than just the superficial (though I got to confess, it is surreal). I got more to say later (it’ll be a page scroller). But know this, you are the real deal.

851 | cindy2 - I’m sorry on the above post. I meant, I would like to say a warm hello to you. Chinese are very intelligent & businessminded people. I’m from the Phil. My apology I got curious about your postings on this page for June, July & aug (ST john’s Ad thread) & somebody has posted notifying the orig groups about your comment #851 Aug 22nd. No notes here from the orig bamzsers & even on the past threads, would you like me to reannounce it.? Let me know. You know I’m a Grandma today for a 7.9 lbs baby boy. He arrived in this world @ 3:56 am 8/23/06 here @ ST Louis Missouri. My son & his wife told me I can call him Brad after Brad Pitt. lol.. You prefer Amielina. OK Amielina, you wil be in my prayers. Take care always.

cindy dearI UNDERSTAND.the most important thing you can do is acknowledge the situationdont be afraid to talk about itkeep things as normal and balanced as possibleand remember, nobody can be strong all the time, so dont expect thatdear, too much credit for me, im really not the good person you think i am, i have my darker side, but i know what you mean and i thank yousurreal? no, not reallynow, my friend, before we find ourselves on the cover of peoplemag, this is going to be my very last post on this blogi will keep you in my thoughts!and i promise to read your farewell messagefarewell, little tiger!!!Amielina.

nobody can be strong all the time, so dont expect that 855 | amielina aka cindy2- Have faith in God for HE will make you strong. Nobody is alone God is always with us if only you will acknowledge HIM. Whatever you’re going through is plan by HIM. He made us and He can take life away from us too. Have faith on HIM for there is everlasting life waiting for each of everyone who have faith & believe on HIM. To let you know all the original BAMZSers grouploves & cares for you deep in their heart. Just remember you will be a mark on their heart forever. We are all wishing you good health & happiness. May the Blessing of Almighty God be with you always. Sincerely yours, MO Fan.

Generally I do not post on blogs, but I would like to say that this post really forced me to do so! I found your blog on google and read a few of your other posts. I just added you to my Google News Reader. Keep up the good work. Look forward to reading more from you in the future.