OlderJohn Mayer Defines Douchebag
John Mayer is off on another one of his rants on his blog. “Death to Douchebag” is a 1 of a 129-part series, so we have lots more to look forward to on his topic from John! Check out the entry below but he could have just looked it up on UrbanDictionary.com!
“Douchebag.”
“What a douchebag.”
It feels good to say, “douchebag.” It’s got two different plosive sounds, the “D” and “B”, and nicely wedged between is a wonderful “sh” sound (technically known as a voiceless palato-alveolar sibilant, at the risk of coming off douchey) that, when preceded with “oooooh”, give your lips the sensation of sliding on a hardwood floor in a pair of woolen socks.
And “douchebag” was on the vinegary tips of everyone’s tongues this year. Trouble is, I’m not really clear on what it means, and I don’t know that anyone does. I know that I get called one. Pete Wentz from Fallout Boy, by measure of a google search, is a douchebag 11,100 times over, or the number of results that the search engine says exist. Zach Braff, who himself wrote one of the better films I’ve seen in the last decade is also frequently ‘bagged, as is some guy named Brody Jenner. In fact, if you want to go big, so is Michael Stipe, Bono (”supreme douchebag”), Thom Yorke, Will Smith and Brad Pitt.
Are you as confused as I am as to what the common denominator of douchiness is? Is it someone that comes off obnoxious? Self aggrandizing? Ignorant? Or is it just someone who exists out of another person’s comfort zone? And doesn’t that account for almost everyone in the world, celebrity or otherwise? Don’t most people, given the fact that they’re NOT US lie somewhere outside our comfort zone? Ohhhhh…OR…is being a douchebag actually all about having a bigger smile than someone else deems you deserve to in life? I think I’m onto something here. Stick with me.
In the case of Pete Wentz, whom I can comment on personally, I think the guy’s got the job description of musician down pretty damn well. True, it’s not your dad’s rock star template, but he’d be inauthentic if he tried to fit inside it. Pete Wentz has a truckload of ideas. Big, bold, colorful ideas. They’re ideas that have never once had their edges sanded down, and for that reason some people might find him or his band too much to swallow. You know who else had that going for them in their day? Frank Zappa. And David Bowie. And Peter Gabriel. And Elton John. And the Doors. Pretty much every rock band from A-Z existed because of their ignoring conventional boundaries. Pete’s going to keep pretending. Because that’s all art really is. You puff up your sense of pretend as big as you can and then try and live up to it. (Maybe that’s what people think being a douchebag is?)
I personally don’t mind being called a douchebag. I’ve met my fair share of bloggers, and I’m much, much taller than them. It’s also because I need there to be some push on the castle walls, so to speak. I’m not happy when people agree. (Don’t make me start listing the names of seminal artists that weren’t either.) I think it’s easier to call “douchebag” than to confront the possibility that:
THERE ARE OTHER PERSONALITIES IN THIS WORLD THAT ARE NOT INHERENTLY SYMPATHETIC TO OUR OWN.
Maybe I should take this opportunity to define douchebag once and for all; I think if enjoying your life as you choose happens to spill over into treating others without respect, then you’re a total, world-class douchebag.
But then wouldn’t that also serve as a fitting description of the boy who cried “douche”?
Maybe it’s just really fun to say.
—————
WHO DO YOU THINK is the biggest douchebag is Hollywood?
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91 Comments
adam levine is biggest douchebag supreme. and that was alot of words worrying about being called douchebag.
wow. lameass.
Brandon Davis is THE biggest douchebag in Hollyweird.
Tom Cruise?
How annoying can this person get, ugggggh he’s so fcuking stupid!
johnmayer is yummy, douchey or not!
John Mayer is brilliant. I have spoken!
There are too many to pick one self-absorbed, cocky, conceited, ignorant jerk…..
Yum..i want me summa dat boy! verrrry striking!!
ffs wasnt this guy mayer dating jessica simpson?
how lame is that.
Tom Cruise
I used to love John Mayer–his music used to give me ****** now it makes me want to barf–seriously.
A new spin on celebrity Gossip
http://www.celebpsychic.blogspot.com
Oh boy, I love this guy, seriously. Tell it John!
John Mayer is the quintessential douchebag.
Wow, that is just a long, badly worded “You’re just jeoulous” defense. No John, the problem isn’t that we are all in awe of your height and can’t accept your amazing success, its that really what you deem to be success is what others call failure, and you are an untalented, ugly, asshat that needs to chase Simpsons for attention cause no girls liked you in high school.
john mayers a genius.
biggest douchebag in hollywood - brad pitt. he’s a big smelly douchebag.
lol i-kid i-kid.
celebpsychic, are you kidding me? last year, john mayer put out one of the best albums, continuum, of the year–if not in large-scale comparisons. i mean, his acoustic love songs were great, but his new bluesy stuff requires immense talent, and if that doesn’t give you chills, you need to get your pulse checked.
You are a douche John, because everything you do is objectionable. It is objectionable becuase it is sexist and crap, not because it is out of my comfort zone, I am very comfortable with boring cliche, I just don’t like it.
I don’t know who he is, but he’s annoying me already.
i use to like John but with this crap he wrote i do not anymore. he is so lame.
Note: Don’t use a camera or a blog after consuming mass quantities of alcohol and or cocaine .
without a doubt ,FUG PEREZ HILTON is the biggest douchebag on earth and in hollywood.
I am in awe of his height and the heights of his thought processes. you all just don’t get him. wait and see….
i little in love? yeah, i think so.
I saw that douchebag in person. And he’s MAYBE 5′9″. I hope height was what he was talking about. Because the only thing tall about his life are his lies. And reading his stupid blog makes me want to protest the Internet in general. I wonder if he takes pride in those stupid words he tries to string together and pass off as sentences.
What’d he lie about?
lol
I actually find the term “douchebag” to be overused. People just automatically say it now thinking they sound cool or informed. Sort of like “hater” and actually I would be fine not hearing the phrase “throw up a little in my mouth” again
i know you guys are going to hate me??? but your are all the biggest douche bag ever, and i like it all your guys
UGH
I think if you seriously (I’m sure he isn’t) plan on devoting 129 entries on your blog to the meaning of the word “Douchebag” then you’re a douchebag. Hey maybe I can start my own riff on Jeff Foxworthy’s “You know you’re a redneck if…” just switch “douchebag” with “redneck.” It’s brillaint! I’ll make a fortune and of course all credit will go to John Mayer, I couldn’t have done it without him.
Katherine Heigel - biggest douchebag
Then pete wentz boy toy assleee simpson
Then John mayer’s ex, jessica no talent simpson
John your smart, but keep ur profile on the downlow or else u come across as douchey too.
But ur a talented douche at best ;)
Brandon Davis is the biggest douchebag!
\And Brad Pitt is SO NOT a douchebag!
wait wait wait, how could i not include paris hilton and brandon davis
supreme examples of douchebags of the highest kind
ugh? John Mayer is not a douchebag
biggest douchebag would have to be Perez Hilton
All of us here are DOUCHEBAGS who are pathetic enough and lame enough to have time commenting in these blogs, because obviously we have all these times in the world to read John Mayer’s douchebag rants….
now how sad is that?
hahah #21…
biggest douchebag?? hmm…
Tom Cruise definitely haha
i didn’t weigh in on the douche of the year question.
perez hilton personifies douchebaggery and tom cruise is a good candidate but brandon davis has got to take the prize. what does he do besides sponging of his folks fortune anyway? that has got to be good for a squillion douchebag points.
john mayer makes good music so that puts him our of the running IMO.
WHATA DOUCHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
jeez hes annoying. GO AWAY!
Being different doesn’t make you a douchebag. Trying to convey people into believing Pete Wentz is an alright guy (and who is by the way dating Ashlee Simpson which is a crime in itself) well that does qualify you as one. But then again..You did date the Jessica Simpson so I guess you were already on that list.
John it’s okay not to be liked…Just make sure that you’re not liked for the right reasons. Not being liked cause off being in the same category as Pete Wentz is not one them.
lets hope he drinks and drives this xmas and dies in a 7 car pile-up
The biggest douches of 2007 are the ones who post on this site everytime a pic of the Jolie-Pitt family appears and they start with their, “I LOVE this family!” “More pics!” “Z is the cutest EVER….”
Ugh.
And now that John keeps trying to tell the world how intelligent he is …he wins the #2 spot.
i love john mayer!! the biggest douchebag, by far, he is the most self obsessed jerk in hollywood!!!!! definitely justing timberlake
*biggest douchebag by far is justin timberlake
What a provocative entry! The term represents another one of those ‘blonde’ moments in a different word class - it’s sexist, visual and offensive. The word will have its day and pass into the realms of discarded words.
I use to be a big fan of John untill he became the biggest douchebag of the year. He is so in love with himself, His chick Minka better be glad he allows her to stand by him. She is the dumbest chick to be bother with this jerk. Imagine this chick having to follow after dumbest a$$ Jessica Simpleton. Kinda makes Minka seem a little dumb to.
Pete Wentz is another big douchebag of course John would bring up that Major a$$wipe’s name. John and Pete should have told that nasty family no.
Now John Mayer wants to whine about being called a douchebag, and don’t know why he’s call that.
The 2 or 3 albums I purchased, I’m begining to think someone else wrote those songs. That Continuun thing sucked real bad.
Wow, most of these people obviously didn’t read the blog at all. Oh well, maybe I’m just weird for actually reading the whole thing and LIKING it. Good job Jared!
Paul Reubens!!!!!
For sure the biggest douche bag is John Mayer. The biggest hobag is Jessica Simpson. Someone should do the biggest hobag blog.
Jessica would win every time.
I define douchebag as using people to get your self into the Hollywood spot light. Making albums was to climb his way to a position were he could look down on others.
His hyped up career has caused him to look down on others and make fun of them.
He chose a publicity wh*re that he thought would put him over the top.
I’m glad she almost strangled him. To borrow a thought from the other poster, I hope drunk driving this new years eve land him into a tree and we don’t hear from him again.
Your full of hot air head, no we are not jealous of you. just sick of you.
justin timberlake is the biggest douchebag.
Brandon Davis hands down! Biggest douchebag.
Awww, poor little rich boy can’t handle that people hate him, I guess his parents told him he was “special,” awwwww. Go suck on a plastic ****’s tits, DOUCHEBAG!
He’s only 5″9??? that explains a lot, that is SHORT for a guy! Tom Cruise territory, I’m 5″11 and I’m a chick!
I will be John Mayer’s fan forever, he’s smart, funny and pretty heavy…he “ain’t no douchebag.
Here are my idea of douchebags; George Clooney…cuz he’s always flirting with Matt, Bradd and Julia Roberts and always acts like an a#s.Jamie Fox, a real douchebag especially when he sang at the country awards show that was so awful…Ben Affleck, is a big douche, he is a closet racist and alcoholic and hates his wife but won’t leave her because of his “career”.Britney, Lindsay, Paris, Posh, Tom Cruise, and Beyonce (because she’s so greedy she’s in every commercial), Fergie, for pissing on her pants, Jennifer Garner for parading her baby for the paps to take pictures of her.The Biggest douch of all is Perez Hilton…ewwwwwwwwww…fat, uglie and do people really care about his opinion…he is the lowest of the lowest.
Mayer is a walking deformity.
Uh, John is more like 6′3″ not 5′9″.
haha, you know is absolutely right.
Yea, that was supposed to be “he is absolutely right”
David Beckham & Kevin Federline have a lock on the #1 Douchebag position…
Wait , I take it back I agree with #51, Brandon Davis hands down! Biggest douchebag.
I think anyone who stuck is d— in Jessica Simpson doesn’t have any business calling someone else a douchebag.
John Mayer is a big douch bag because he is so stuck on him self, why the he11 he mention his height who cares……
This article sounds like he is surprise. I have been hearing this since he started dating that Simpson girl. He changed I think that wacked out chick brings out the worst in people.
Hands down Orlando Bloom
If we are going to go by the description that John wrote:
++Maybe I should take this opportunity to define douchebag once and for all; I think if enjoying your life as you choose happens to spill over into treating others without respect, then you’re a total, world-class douchebag++
Treating others without respect and serving only himself definetly makes him a World Class Douchbag-in fact I think that is his Mantra.
I never thought about it but now that John brought it up Pete Wentz is a douchebag.
Bono seemed to actually do so much good that I would never call him a douchebag. The others I never hear much about them.
John Mayer is off his tree, what an idiot to put himself out there as much as he does…. stupid-o idiot-o… what a #uckin spaz - who on earth but a lonely annoyed douche would write such dribble?? … sorry johnny boy, you suck,, you’re a music snob or maybe you’re just a plain snob… get a grip buddy, save ur whines for your journal, quit postin ur dribble to the world… ur a great musician, but not great enuf that you can spout ur crap to the world…. shut up mother-fcker.
what is he talking about? He sounds like a big baby. calling someone a douche is saying someone who fake attempts to be something authentic or fresh. douches were u sed to a woman “down there” as if “down there” really needed vinegar and water! the notion of someone trying to present themselves authentic when they are really just a cheap, fake vinegar and water substitute is douchey.
adam levine talking about being sensitive to women’s rights in one breath and another talking about the sexual expressions of a lover in the next? Douchey. john mayer seeming like a really funny and cool guy-who dates jessica simpson? semi-douchey move from an outsider view. ditto with peter wentz-it’s the simpson factor. brandon davis? douchey as they come.
Keep up jonny! It’s not so hard to get the subtext once you get over yourself!
edit to read above:
douches were used to “freshen” and “make right” a woman “down there” as if “down there” really needed vinegar and water!
The DEFINITION OF DOUCHEBAG = SPENCER PRATT
Can a woman be a douche bag, I’m not sure but I think the real douche here was the Simpson clan. Jessica is by far the biggest douche and when the two hook up that triggered a flood that spilled over unto John boy. If he was before then the full mass of it did not show up untill after they started dating. Look at Roma now samething.
Next douche is Paris Hilton such a douche her own grandfather don’t want to give any of his grandkids a dime, great man he must be.
Next Lindsey Lohan is bloody well a douche bag and the list goes on forever.
Maybe you call it something else when it comes to a woman.
So yes indeed John Mayer by all certainties is a douche bag. I think his fans help make him such- by always spouting about him being the greatest I’ve seen others just as good. when fans have that run all over me attitude it help makes the artist a douche bag.
John Mayer’s cool meter is going way down.
I think he has diahrea of the blog.
definition of a douchebag = unnecessary, pointless & overrated
definition of a douchebag = unnecessary, pointless & overrated
Unless you’re ’singing’ about being a douchebag, I don’t give a crap.
Pompous douche bag use to be cool before he went all hollywood.
I’m sure we will hear about some real douchy behavior from NYE.
How about more drunking runing through the streets of NY pushing common people out of clubs so your party can fit in.
There’s an entire website dedicated to douchebags. It’s at http://douchebags.com
Enjoy!!
———JARED LETO————-
Pete Wentz the next DAVID BOWIE? Ha. Don’t kid yourself.
Get a therapist and quit acting out all over the internet. Douche. Oh, and this is one of Time magazine’s most influential? Can they take that back?
i think the blog was meant to be funny. it was written at 4:30 in the morning, not one’s best time i think. I love john mayer and all this hatin on him is disturbing. oh well, he’ll redeem imself just wait.
I actually agree with him minus the whole Fall out famewhore boy breaking the mold and pushing the boundaries of modern music.
Part of his point was the recent saturation of the aforementioned word in blogs that seemed to spread more rapidly than Paris Hilton’s legs (trite, I know). Anyway, If every other person online, in Hollywood, or in everyday life is a douchebag, what separates one from the next? Should we expect to see that on job applications in the near future? Gender, Race, have u been convicted of being a douchebag within the last five years?
Enough lame jabs here. . oh and the 1 out of 129 part series was about the year 2007. And he was probably being facetious there. But you knew that of course.
P.S.
I’m not a fan of him OR his music. And I do think he sounds a tad bit defensive. Just *trying* to remain as unbiased as possible.
Peace.
Tom Cruise
jm: douchebag maybe, moron assuredly
Darlings, as a worker in the industry who sees all manner of people and makes a living off of judging them on sight- a douchebag is Ashton Kutcher with a sideways hat. It’s the dudes in spiked-out horrendous hair wearing man-blouses and the $300 jeans with godawful tribal business stiched up the sides. It’s orange skin and white hair. It’s the guy who yells ‘BRO!” and orders sake bombs and AMF’s. The guys living far beyond their means on daddy’s credit, date rapists and frat house tagalongs. It’s none of this pseudo-intelligent “a douchebag is a guy who does what they want to in life no matter what” haha, no, no no. Those folks are hated on surely, but that’s not a douchebag. Let’s get it straight, OK? We need to keep our slang certain. And for the record, the absolute DOUCHIEST dude ever, is the guy on The Pick Up Artist. The one with fake pantyhose tattoos, a headband, eyeliner, and headphones that he never uses. FYI.
The fact that John Mayer will take the time to write a full page of complete nonsense speaks volumes. He is too concerned about what other people think of him. By now you’d think he can take a little criticism. Guess I was wrong.
My advice: If I were rich and famous, I wouldn’t give a **** what people thought of me.
I created a movie about D-bags check it out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWTQzdYUqXg
Check out this web site to see if you meet any of the traits that define a “Douche Bag” http://www.youmightbeadouchebagif.com
Jimi Hendrix is everything John Mayer wants to be, yet everything John Mayer isn’t. I don’t think anyone has ever called Jimi Hendrix a douchebag either. John Mayer asks what the common denominator of douchebaggery is. Well, John, its you because YOU are the one constantly being referred to as the douchebag by millions of other people. It’s like those people that always have bad relationships and can’t figure out why everyone they meet is horrible. They are the common denominator. After a while you’d think they wonder “Hmm maybe it’s me?” They need to change something about THEMSELVES to keep from ending up with crappy people.
Me thinks john douche protest a little too loud…
i think john mayer is the uuuge douchebag. what a douchebag, writing a douchey blog like this.
i think john mayer is the uuuge douchebag. what a douchebag, writing a douchey blog like this.
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