Orlando Bloom: Doggie Bag It!

Pasta and Orly are my favourite. Ha

Well, he’s clearly in a downward spiral. I mean, he’s wearing sweatpants. Who does that? This is a clear case of extreme indulgence in substances, sex and debauchery and it has turned him into a monster. I can say this with utmost authority and confidence, because I have absolutely no faults and am therefore entitled to blindly pass judgement on people I’ve never even met.

Anyway, I feel I must list his innumerable crimes so that if you see him on the street you can scream “FOO!” at him and make the sign of the cross with your fingers. Shall we?

*I have it on very, very good authority that he regularly wears white shoes after Labor Day. Anyone who so brazenly breaks that law with such gleeful impunity needs to be locked up.

*He was seen sipping a glass of champagne on New Year’s Eve, which is clearly a sign of debilitating alcoholism.

*He eats meat on Fridays during Lent, showing that he is an arrogant heathen that routinely thumbs his nose at the Lord our God.

*I know for a fact that when you do your laundry and find a sock that doesn’t have a mate, it is because Orlando Bloom stole the other one in order to feed his sick addiction to cotton.

*Finally, and perhaps the worst of all, he leaves the toilet seat up after he takes a whizz. What, you think that’s funny? Well let’s see how loud you’ll be laughing the next time you’re half-asleep and stumbling into the bathroom, and when you sit down your tuckus goes right into the water. It’s unforgivable torture, and a violation of the Geneva Convention.

You may wonder how I know all these things. Well, I used to date Orlando’s cousin’s hairdresser’s gynecologist and I heard through the grapevine that Orlando said I have a big butt, so I have every right to call him out for his crimes. I have proof that what I say is true, but I don’t feel the need to share it with you, because everyone knows that if it’s said on the Internet it must be true. No seriously, Jesus appeared to me in a dream and told me all this.

Darn you, Orli. Darn you straight to heck.

Gosh another pathetic loser get a life #53.
Orlando is the finnest man alive you just have no taste.
Have a nice birthday Orlando.

You’re absolutely right, Jamboree! He has reduced himself to the dog poo on the bottom of Kate Bosworth’s incredibly stylish shoes. I mean, how did such a goddess get mixed up with this troll? This is Kate we’re talking about, who is so luminously, completely, stunningly, heartbreakingly, breath-takingly BEAUTIFUL she makes the angels weep with joy. She doesn’t even poo, she just excretes rose petals from her navel.

But Orlando on the other hand? *Tsk tsk* Why he nearly ruined her. He was clearly the cause of her being such a screwup, because everyone knows that Kate is not to blame for ANYTHING.

So by all means, spew your hateful venom at him, Jamboree. The b—ch has it coming. And when you’re done, affix those lips directly on Kate’s perfect, luminous, perfect, stunning, perfect beautiful behind, because she is entitled to worship.

The sad thing #57 is that Kate is not attractive or talented yet she’s doing better than him. She’s actually GASP working. She’s getting paid to advertise Calvin Klein while he’s getting paid to advertise shampoo and cheap cars. lmao Stick a fork in him girls, he’s just about done.

Has he gotten drunk and fractured someone’s neck again yet?

He’s so gorgeous, I’m so into him.

*sigh* You people disappoint me. I wasn’t being the least bit subtle. My ironic username should have been your first clue.

Attention-hungry Netkook - let me marry you. Please. I just love it how the teens around here totally fell for your “rant”. *lol* Good to see that there are some witty, intelligent and original Orlando fans out there. =)

Rest of you - grow up. Netkook’s post was OBVIOUSLY a joke. Geez…

sooooo??what happened?
Wasn’t he suppose to have gone to Oz over the holiday?
She kind of looks stood up waiting for her boyfriend to get there.
If he wasn’t going and it wasn’t her that told the paper that(but who are we kidding -it had to have been her) she would have made a point of saying it wasn’t true since now she looks silly and Kate Bosworth and Nicole Kidman got all the press over the holidays.

#67 That long stupid post by Attention-hungry Netkook was neither witty or intelligent. I got the obvious sarcasm it was just lacking in humor and sounded too much like a whiny fangirl pissed at those taking shots at Orlando. His fans might as well get used to the negativity because his IT boy days are over. He’s just another not so hot celebrity now.

#71 I pity you. Going through life with this sense of humour (or the lack of it) AND with all this pessimism because, like, OMG, he hasn’t done a movie for, like, A YEAR!!!! must be grey and shallow. It’s not about Orlando, dear. It’s about keeping the ability of seeing everything on the net with that little wink on it. You know, try to laugh once in a while. Doesn’t hurt (much).

#71:

Oooh, somebody’s MAD! Did you see a little too much of yourself in that post?

#72:

I think it’s a mathematical certainty that she and her sockpuppets will show up very soon.