OlderDane Cook: 10 Reason Why I Hate My Movie’s Poster
Comedian/actor Dane Cook hates his latest movie’s poster and he’s not ashamed to admit it! Here’s are the top ten complaints he has with it, just posted on his MySpace blog:
“Dear Diary, Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, My Best Friends Girl, is the best / funniest film I’ve done yet. It’s got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself [sic] really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It’s a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.
That being said, let me address the fact that although I’m not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self-promoting. I’d like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in. Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:
1. Graphics: Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using “You Suck at Photoshop” templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.
2. My head: The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears’ [sic] (VJJ).
3. The Stare: My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudson’s hair. Kate’s mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half-stunned, half-corsage.
4. Lips: It looks like I’m wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My character’s name is now Winter Solstice and I’m a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!
5. Fashion: My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It’s going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I’m also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.
6. Flesh: It’s no secret that I’m more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I’ve got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the f—in’ bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond’s dolls would look at me and say “s— … that guys got flawless skin!”
7. Hair: It’s actually a close up shot of Tom Selleck’s Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin’.
8. The set: Pick one. This entire film takes place:
A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime
9. The cast: Alec Baldwin is so f—ing funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.
10. Final thoughts: I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.
Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn’t the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.
Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) click on the link at the top of this page.
PS - “Its funny what love can make you do.” I just threw up all over this awful poster. Wow, wait … it looks better.
Hey … I love my new movie. Jeez … it IS funny what love can make you do.”
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41 Comments
first!!
he sucks. he thinks he is funny and he’s NOT!
he SUCKS! he thinks he is sooo funny and he is SO NOT!
he has good points there xD
Great ranting, I actually found that funny.
shouldn’t that say Reasons?
you forgot to add the s to reason
http://voguebeauty.blogspot.com/
cant wait
surprisingly, this also got a couple chuckles from me (:
Dane Cook is NOT funny and neither are his movies.
Well, I thought that was funny.
hahahhahaha - i like how he complains about the bad photoshopped face - LOL
TLDR, sorry Dane.
HAHAHHAA, THAT MOVIE IS GONNA BE GREAT.
what a douche.
Wow that was the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time.
I love Dane Cook!! The ten reason(s) were very funny. Especially #2.
So funny!!!
Oh, so it’s the bad MARKETING that is responsible for your box office failures. Thanks for clearing that up, Dane. I could have sworn it had to do with (1) your acting skills, which are on par with Jessica Simpson’s, and (2) what is inexplicably referred to as your “humor.” You are about the least amusing person on the planet. “Alec Baldwin … plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.” You call that a JOKE??? That you dare to call yourself a comedian is indefensible. You simply ARE NOT FUNNY!!! Instead of complaining about the poster, you should be on your knees thanking God and the universe for giving you even a modicum of success. When not on your knees giving thanks, you should be volunteering at a food bank or somewhere equally charitable. Because, Mr. Cook, you are one LUCKY b*astard!! Success without one shred of looks, brains or talent. Give thanks, my friend, give thanks!!!
I don’t normally dig him, but that was funny! I love that he called out a designer on their crappy photoshop skills. Waaaaay too many people these days think they are graphic designers and they’re not. I hope they put this up over at the hilarious site, photoshopdisasters dot com.
That font is also overused in romantic movie comedy posters. I love Dane.
I agree with homeboy here.
Looks to me that this graphic designer is a GOSSIP GIRL fan!
Kinda find visual codes there.
“I’m also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.”
I don’t care for Dane either way, but I also noticed the strange way his head is craned as opposed to how his body is positioned. Anyways: LOL at the silly poster art.
He needs to worry more about being funny then a movie poster. He is the least funny comedian I’ve ever seen.
he’s right,this poster is ******!
Dane Cook drives me mad. I don’t see the appeal, he is an annoying muppet and his films make me want to pull my hair out. Please just go away
OMG! This is so hilarious! I couldn’t stop laughing!
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