Jennifer Aniston Turns To The Turkey Baster

To the jealous haters of the wonderful Angelina and company. I am sure I must be Angelina Jolie’s number one fan. She is an inspiration to me. I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals due to issues with cutting and substance abuse since my late teens. I too was very sexual in Kindergarten and was actually kicked out of school for tackling Jesse Mc Vie to the crowd and groping him. I also had a Goth phase where I hung out at funeral homes, cemeteries, and killed small animals for kicks. I tried desperately to get a job at the blood bank but was turned down. I just love my older brother and the horse who boards at my Grandfather’s farm. I like to have sex with my best friend Sheila and do so whenever she is out of rehab. I have a male lover too who is married to a real Mrs. Prissy. I hate her blonde hair, blue eyes and tan body. I am presently remaking a third voodoo doll in an effort to have her either drop dead or make him leave her for me. She was the former homecoming queen at my high school and the main reason I am doing her husband is because I hate chicks like that. I have finally gotten pregnant so I hope Mrs. Prissy will be out of the picture. It makes me feel hopeful that Angelina is with Brad Pitt. I have all the tattoos that she has plus a nose ring. I am thrilled that she is now a saint. I am so sick of people dissing us cutter’s, cheaters, and freaks. Angelina has avenged us all. We hate people with morals and people who do the right things. So stop pointing out facts about Angelina. We don’t like facts. We like delusions, distortions and spin. We have no values or critical thinking skills of our own and are prone to episodes of dyscontrol when people try to point out the truth about Angelina versus recite our talking points.

Signed, Twister Sister.

Perez Hilton did the talkshow circuit last Spring claiming that he had a makeout session with John Mayer in December, 2006. Perez said he was at a club on New Year’s Eve 2006 with Mayer and his then-girlfriend, Jessica Simpson, who was present and witnessed the five minute long tongue kiss, even “rubbing [Mayer's] crotch” at the time. Mayer’s rep denied this incident and called Perez’s claim “completely ridiculous.”

John Mayer had his Mayercraft Concert Cruise over the weekend, a five day long cruise from LA to Mexico which features performances by Mayer and other artists. It is yet another excuse for Mayer to have his ego stroked by adoring fans paying for the privilege. Mayer did a standup comedy routine on the ship in which he admitted that he did make out with Perez. He then he launched into a routine about how he’s “thought about going gay.”

“He has to go tell people that I made out with him at a club. I never said anything, but you know what? Damn right I made out with him at a club. You know why? Because I can’t stand a gay guy who acts like he just turned gay yesterday. As soon as a guy is walking around all wild… I will f’ck you in the ass to shut you up. You are not wilder than me. Once you judge me I will go ass to mouth with you just to shut you up. First of all, I was thinking about going gay until you turned into their spokesperson.

“I was thinking about going gay. Every man has thought about going gay. It’s usually like.. 2:23 in the morning you wake up. ‘Oh God, interesting!’ We seem to leave out the details, don’t we guys? Guys like fantasies without the details. ‘Oh yeah, I could blow a dude. Might taste like cherries.’ You know that smell at New York Sports Club? The locker room? That’s balls….

“The idea of blowing a guy, that’s not the problem. The problem is like he’d have some other detail that I didn’t think about, like a hangnail or a f’ing class ring knocking into my forehead. Class of 98 just hitting me, or given my predilections Class of 72…

“Whatever, have a good time. Like I don’t know this stuff is going to end up somewhere and they’re going to act like it’s a surprise that it got there. I thought about this **** before I came out… who f’ing cares. Have a good time.”

[Transcribed from Mayer's standup routine on the Mayercraft Carrier, 2009, video above]

There are so many other guys that Mayer could have picked to hook up with, why Perez? He’s not the most attractive person inside or out. I bet Mayer sees everything he has in common with the guy and admires how he built an empire out of being a pure unchecked douche.

Mayer wants some more headlines, and talking about his bi-curiousness or bi-ness is going to get that for him. He pretty much admits that at the end of his shtick. I can admire the fact that he’s brave enough to admit that he has feelings for other guys, but this is Mayer we’re talking about it and he’s doing it to get attention. It worked.

Thanks to Gossip Rocks for featuring this video.

Jen is America’s Sweetheart and Jolie is America’s Homewrecker. LOL!

Jen is America’s Sl!theart and Jolie is America’s Darling. LOL!

open your heart John and tell us some more.

Jen is America’s Dream and Jolie is America’s Nightmare. LOL!

Thanks for the pics JJ! Keep up the great work! :-)

Rachel Green gets pregnant, by turkey baster.

Angelina and Brad are America’s royalty… in psychiatric hospitals, coast to coast. hahahahahaha!!!!!

And to think that this 40 year old woman was chasing Mayer all over Europe, was telling anyone that she never was as happy as when she was with this douche.
-
This woman did an interview to tell the world to STFU about her and Mayer re-relationship after the most humiliating public dumping of the century. A woman who has no problem getting pee-ed on
-
Well this woman double the douchy pleasure and is now crowned with the etiquette ‘Queen of the Dumbs’ for doing it twice !

-
Mayer said that he only date dumb girls. Well with Aniston in the mix, we can say that he only date dumb AND DUMBER cause boy, one must be to date him TWICE in a row and to rave about it like a teen. Even twits like Jessica learned their lesson the first time around. The only woman who didn’t and crawled back and beg him to do it one more time is Jenny-pizz-on-me Dumbiston. The ultimate generation of twits Hollywood ever breed.

To the jealous haters of the wonderful Angelina and company. I am sure I must be Angelina Jolie’s number one fan. She is an inspiration to me. I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals due to issues with cutting and substance abuse since my late teens. I too was very sexual in Kindergarten and was actually kicked out of school for tackling Jesse Mc Vie to the crowd and groping him. I also had a Goth phase where I hung out at funeral homes, cemeteries, and killed small animals for kicks. I tried desperately to get a job at the blood bank but was turned down. I just love my older brother and the horse who boards at my Grandfather’s farm. I like to have sex with my best friend Sheila and do so whenever she is out of rehab. I have a male lover too who is married to a real Mrs. Prissy. I hate her blonde hair, blue eyes and tan body. I am presently remaking a third voodoo doll in an effort to have her either drop dead or make him leave her for me. She was the former homecoming queen at my high school and the main reason I am doing her husband is because I hate chicks like that. I have finally gotten pregnant so I hope Mrs. Prissy will be out of the picture. It makes me feel hopeful that Angelina is with Brad Pitt. I have all the tattoos that she has plus a nose ring. I am thrilled that she is now a saint. I am so sick of people dissing us cutter’s, cheaters, and freaks. Angelina has avenged us all. We hate people with morals and people who do the right things. So stop pointing out facts about Angelina. We don’t like facts. We like delusions, distortions and spin. We have no values or critical thinking skills of our own and are prone to episodes of dyscontrol when people try to point out the truth about Angelina versus recite our talking points.

Signed, Twister Sister.

Marley & Me= Rachel Green buys a dog.

The Baster= Rachel Green gets pregnant by turkey baster

People just love the Rachel Green series.

To the jealous haters of the wonderful Angelina and company. I am sure I must be Angelina Jolie’s number one fan. She is an inspiration to me. I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals due to issues with cutting and substance abuse since my late teens. I too was very sexual in Kindergarten and was actually kicked out of school for tackling Jesse Mc Vie to the crowd and groping him. I also had a Goth phase where I hung out at funeral homes, cemeteries, and killed small animals for kicks. I tried desperately to get a job at the blood bank but was turned down. I just love my older brother and the horse who boards at my Grandfather’s farm. I like to have sex with my best friend Sheila and do so whenever she is out of rehab. I have a male lover too who is married to a real Mrs. Prissy. I hate her blonde hair, blue eyes and tan body. I am presently remaking a third voodoo doll in an effort to have her either drop dead or make him leave her for me. She was the former homecoming queen at my high school and the main reason I am doing her husband is because I hate chicks like that. I have finally gotten pregnant so I hope Mrs. Prissy will be out of the picture. It makes me feel hopeful that Angelina is with Brad Pitt. I have all the tattoos that she has plus a nose ring. I am thrilled that she is now a saint. I am so sick of people dissing us cutter’s, cheaters, and freaks. Angelina has avenged us all. We hate people with morals and people who do the right things. So stop pointing out facts about Angelina. We don’t like facts. We like delusions, distortions and spin. We have no values or critical thinking skills of our own and are prone to episodes of dyscontrol when people try to point out the truth about Angelina versus recite our talking points.
Signed, Twister Sister.