Dane Cook Archives

Dane Cook presents the Choice Hottie Awards to Robert Pattinson and Megan Fox at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards held at the Gibson Amphitheatre on Sunday afternoon (August 9) in Universal City, Calif.

Before handing off the surfboards, the 37-year-old comedian made a wise crack about the second round of Vanessa Hudgens nude photos that hit the Internet earlier this week.

Dane joked, “Vanessa Hudgens! Girl you got to keep your clothes on!”

In support of Vanessa, the audience booed and hissed at Dane.

Not sure if the joke will make the cut but the TCAs will air TOMORROW, August 10 @ 8-10PM ET/PT on FOX.

Comedian/actor Dane Cook hates his latest movie’s poster and he’s not ashamed to admit it! Here’s are the top ten complaints he has with it, just posted on his MySpace blog:

“Dear Diary, Before the downpour let me just say that my new movie, My Best Friends Girl, is the best / funniest film I’ve done yet. It’s got a terrific cast. Kate Hudson, Alec Baldwin, Jason Biggs, and myself [sic] really kicked the funny around. This movie showcases our talents accordingly as it expands on them. It’s a fun R-rated flick. An edgy comedy with a dash of romance.

That being said, let me address the fact that although I’m not a marketing major, I have a bit of a trusted reputation after 18 years self-promoting. I’d like to inform you I had no say in this marketing campaign, but if I did, things would be different since it is obvious that this poster is boring / odd and has zero to do with the movie I performed in. Here are a few things that truly blow about my upcoming movie poster to promote the release of the film opening on September 19th:

1. Graphics: Whoever photoshopped our poster must have done so at taser point with 3 minutes to fulfill their hostage takers deranged obligations. They should have called Donnie Hoyle and had him give a tutorial using “You Suck at Photoshop” templates. This is so glossy it makes Entertainment Weekly look wooden.

2. My head: The left side of my face seems to be melting off of my skull. I guess I am looking directly into the Ark of the Covenant? Are they going for the bells palsy thing here? My left side looks like Brittany Spears’ [sic] (VJJ).

3. The Stare: My character apparently has fallen in love with a strand of Kate Hudson’s hair. Kate’s mannequin is desperately in love with the inside of my right ear while Jason is half-stunned, half-corsage.

4. Lips: It looks like I’m wearing Maybelline Water Shine Diamonds Liquid Lipstick. My character’s name is now Winter Solstice and I’m a hooker with a heart of gold. Jason is my floral carrying pimp, while Kate is my first trick!

5. Fashion: My character is sporting a very high collar I mean damn they should be snow capped at that altitude. It’s going for the vampire lurking in the castle basement vibe. An Olympic pole vaulter would have a tough go clearing that collar. I’m also able to turn my head comfortably 180 degrees, because I was raised in an abandoned barn by a family of owls.

6. Flesh: It’s no secret that I’m more rugged facially due to a drunken visit by the teen acne fairy, but according to this poster I’ve got perfect porcelain flesh. I look like the f—in’ bathroom floor at Caesars Palace. One of Marie Osmond’s dolls would look at me and say “s— … that guys got flawless skin!”

7. Hair: It’s actually a close up shot of Tom Selleck’s Magnum P.I. mustache they photo-slapped on my noggin’.

8. The set: Pick one. This entire film takes place:

A. on Gattaca
B. at the Fortress of Solitude
C. inside a crystal wind chime

9. The cast: Alec Baldwin is so f—ing funny in this movie! Is he on the poster? I think so. He plays the wise talking plant Jason is clutching.

10. Final thoughts: I set out to make a movie like the contemporary men and women, that you and I respect, are making. My generation of comedians, actors, directors and producers that I wish to collaborate with as I build a solid body of work.

Granted, one poster stinking up the joint isn’t the end of the world. Yet it sends the wrong message about our movie and I just wanted you to know, that I feel the pain. I really love the film and I know from past missteps marketing wise that the wrong poster sends the wrong audience into the theater.

Thanks again for all of your support. If you have not seen the red band trailer (which is excellent and represents the flick accordingly) click on the link at the top of this page.

PS - “Its funny what love can make you do.” I just threw up all over this awful poster. Wow, wait … it looks better.

Hey … I love my new movie. Jeez … it IS funny what love can make you do.”

Former Mr. Jessica Simpson John Mayer is surrounded by a bevy of beautiful men while Cosmopolitan honored him as fun fearless male of the year at NYC’s Cipriani on Monday.

Mayer, 30, is seated between actor pal Dave Annable and rapper/actor Common. Behind them are Canadian animal trainer and zoologist Dave Salmoni, Dirty Sexy Money actor Peter Krause, MySpace founder Tom Anderson, The Office star John Krasinski, funny man Dane Cook and the current reigning Mr. Jessica Simpson, QB Tony Romo.

“I was thinking, you have John Mayer, Dane Cook,” Romo said as he accepted his award for being fun and fearless. “If you date Jessica Simpson, I guess you’re fun and fearless.”

Pictured inside: Carmen Electra and singer/songwriter Sara Bareilles.

45+ pictures inside of Cosmo honors John Mayer… More Here! »

Jessica Alba shows off her fake tooth on TRL Thursday (taped Tuesday) in New York City.

“[Costar Dane Cook and I] did all of our love scenes in one day and I chipped a tooth and I lost a tooth, isn’t that disgusting? We’re smashing our faces together, it’s not the slowest, most romantic love scene.”

The self-proclaimed klutz also elaborated on her acceptance speech from the Teen Choice Awards after winning the female hottie award. She originally said:

“I would like to dedicate this award to a young man who has been on my mind for the last 19 years: Ross. Ross didn’t love me. I was pigeon-toed, I had a sway back, I was slightly cross-eyed, buck-toothed, I sucked my thumb. (laughs) Look at me now, Ross! Look at me now!”

On TRL, Alba explained Ross and her were mere 7-years-olds. “I was the only girl in a huge group of boys,” she said. “I was always playing sports with the boys and they were always picking me last. I remember when he wanted to kiss me, he said if I kissed him, he would pick me first for his team. I kissed him… but he still picked me last.”

FYI: Alba is wearing wore a Yigal Azrouel cropped jacket, Colette jewels and a hot new pair of Christian Louboutin Super T shoes.

25+ pictures inside of Jessica Alba @ TRL… More Here! »

Jessica Alba sparkles on the blue carpet in Prada at the LA premiere of Good Luck Chuck on Wednesday at the Mann National Theatre on Lindbrook Drive in Westwood Village. Too bad those shoes (also Prada) are not the greatest! Alba also sporting a Roger Vivier bag and Whiteflash gems.

Oh yeah, funny men costars Dane Cook and Dan Fogler were at the premiere too. Also pictured inside are producer Tracey Edmonds, Lionsgate CEO Jon Feltheimer and Lionsgate Vice Chairman and a director Michael Burns.

Good Luck Chuck is getting horrible reviews, so far racking up a pitiful 14% on RottenTomatoes. WUAH WUAH…..

55+ pictures inside of Jessica Alba @ Good Luck Chuck premiere… More Here! »

Fantastic star Jessica Alba cuddles up with co-star Dane Cook to promote their romantic comedy Good Luck Chuck at the 2007 Comic-Con International at the San Diego Convention Center on Thursday.

With an audience over 6000+ fanboys and girls, Alba shared the story of cracking her tooth during a make-out scene with Dane.

“We were supposed to lean in hard, then press against a wall,” Alba said. “Suddenly, I tasted a little dust on my tongue, and I chipped my front tooth. I have a cap, but I still look like a dork.”

Dane also told his side of the story “We didn’t quite have the physics down of two opposing forces colliding, the colliding those forces against a wall.”

He added about another scene he was in, “There’s a montage of about 30 women [I sleep with]. My p—- had to be CGI.”

15+ pictures inside of Alba @ Comic-con.. More Here! »

In their latest promo poster, Good Luck Chuck co-stars Jessica Alba and Dane Cook spoof the Yoko Ono and the late John Lennon’s 1981 Rolling Stone cover.

Five words: Dane, take off your underwear!

WHAT DO YOU THINK of the new “Good Luck Chuck” movie poster — YAY or NAY?

Dane Cook poses in the press room during the 2007 MTV Movie Awards held at the Gibson Amphitheatre on Sunday, June 3, 2007.

When asked about performer Amy Winehouse towards the end of her performance, Dane pointed to the TV in the bloggers’ room and said, “I didn’t get to see her performance, but it seems like she’s a star on the rise.”

When asked if he met anyone interesting at the ceremony, Dane told bloggers, “I saw Jack Nicholson backstage after his speech. That guy is hilarious. He’s very funny. I think he’s been around for a few years too.”